What the hell?
by Reaka
Summary: When Sirius tests out his new personality potion, Hogwarts gets a new shock. Now Remus is hyper and James is calm. Insanity is at hand. Nothing like the Harry and Dumbledore one! Guarenteed!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: The only thing that's mine in this story are the classmates of the Marauders. Everything else is property of J.K. Rowling.  
  
Reaka: Welcome everyone! I promise you this fanfic is nothing like "What's Worse than a Harry and Dumbledore Romance." Believe me! I almost puked myself when I wrote it. So don't worry about that. Now that that's settled, on with the fic!  
  
What the Hell?  
  
"James! I don't wanna go to Care for Magical Creatures! We don't do much in there!" Remus complained as he and James walked to their next class.  
  
"I know! Today we're observing the behavior of Flobberworms! Of all things! Flobber-worms! They don't even do anything!"  
  
"And after that, we're dissecting Blast-Ended Skrewts too. So that can't be too bad!"  
  
"For a werewolf."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Oh nothing!"  
  
They were just about to leave when their friend, Sirius, stopped them. James became instantly hyper. Remus looked on, smiling at them.  
  
"Hey guys!" Sirius said. "Can I use you two as guinea pigs for my potion?"  
  
"Why?" Remus asked. "The last time we tried that, let's just say James was singing soprano for a while."  
  
"And then the time before that," James chimed in, "Remus had breasts so big, gay and straight man, alike, were trying to get some of him."  
  
"All right! I get it!" Sirius exclaimed. "This is a personality switching potion. If it works, James will act like you, and vice versa."  
  
"Can't be too bad," Remus said, "it's not like I'll be growing breasts soon."  
  
"And I, hopefully, won't be singing soprano again." James replied.  
  
Sirius poured each of them a goblet to drink. Remus and James tapped glasses.  
  
"Cheers." James said.  
  
They both drank their drinks. Grimacing, they swallowed them.  
  
"What the hell, Sirius!" James exclaimed. "This stuff tastes like crap!"  
  
"And how long will this last, once it kicks in?" Remus asked.  
  
"It'll take about thirty seconds to kick in," Sirius said, "and once it does, it'll last all day. 3...2...1..."  
  
Remus had a strange look in his eyes.  
  
"Anybody have any sugar?" he asked.  
  
"Don't you know that stuff makes you extra hyper?" James asked.  
  
"That's why I want it!" Remus said. "I want to see if it really works!"  
  
Sirius handed him some candy. Remus ate it like a greedy toddler. Suddenly, he started bouncing up and down and making random noises. James and Sirius looked at him funny.  
  
"Something tells me things won't go well in Care for Magical Creatures today." James stated.  
  
Reaka: Well, how was that? See? Didn't I tell you it wouldn't be anything like the Harry and Dumbledore one? No! This one has the Marauders in it! If you guys didn't think this chappy wasn't as funny, wait until the next chapters. I promise they'll get better! Until next time, bye! 


	2. Care for Magical Creatures

Disclaimer: If it was mine, then this would be a prequel to the Harry Potter series.  
  
Reaka: Wow! Thank you reviewers! That was definitely more than I expected! I know about Hagrid inventing the Blast-Ended Skrewts during Harry's fourth year, but for my purposes, they were around for the Marauders. So, without further delay, let's get the party started.  
  
"Remus, maybe this whole thing was a bad idea."  
  
James sighed as Remus tuned him out. Remus, himself, was skipping down the halls and whistling a song he made up. Every time he messed up he would cackle loud enough that people would stop walking and look at the duo walking down the hall.  
  
"Is Remus stoned?" a girl asked her friend as they walked down the hall. Unfortunately, Remus overheard them and walked up to them.  
  
"Remus, don't!" James warned.  
  
"Now, I just heard one of you ask if I was stoned, right?" Remus asked.  
  
"Well, you are acting a little hyper," the girl said.  
  
Remus put his arm around the girl. James rolled his eyes.  
  
"Thank you," Remus said. "Thank you for calling me weird."  
  
James grabbed the hyper Remus and ran towards the Forbidden Forest so they wouldn't be late. They managed to get there just in time. Professor Kettleburn stared at them.  
  
"Now that all of us are here," he said, "it's now time that I get the Flobberworms out. Everyone get into groups of five."  
  
James and Remus found Lily and two other girls by the names of Maru and Cat. Kettleburn went around and gave each of them a Flobberworm. Remus's eyes lit up at the sight of it.  
  
"Remus," James said. Remus took his quill and watched as the Flobberworm's head rose.  
  
"Are you okay, Remus?" Lily asked.  
  
"Look!" Remus said. "Look at the way it's raising! It's like one of those Indian Snake Charmers!"  
  
Maru looked at him. Remus put the quill to his lips and acted like he was playing a flute.  
  
"Doodedoodoo! Doodedoodoo!! Doodedoodoo!" Remus said. The Flobberworm's head moved as if swaying to the beat.  
  
"What the hell?" Maru asked. The four of them looked at the hyper Remus, and they started to laugh.  
  
"Remus, leave the Flobberworm alone," James said.  
  
"Why is he so hyper, and you're so calm all of a sudden?" Lily asked.  
  
"Sirius had another potion experiment." James explained. "As you can see, this is the result."  
  
Remus picked up the worm again.  
  
"Remus!" Lily said. "Leave him alone!"  
  
"But he doesn't want to be there!" Remus said. "He wants to be my friend! And he shall be my little wormy friend!"  
  
"Give me the worm!" James said.  
  
"But he's my little wormy!" Remus protested.  
  
"Freak!" Cat exclaimed. "You're a freak!"  
  
Remus cackled. The class turned around and looked at him. He heard the Slytherins whisper "freak" but he didn't care. He was laughing. James took the worm and put it back down. Remus picked it back up again.  
  
"REMUS!" his group exclaimed. "Leave the worm alone!"  
  
"Just get the Skrewt," James said, "and maybe that'll make him leave the worm alone."  
  
"Get the Skrewt, Remus," Cat said.  
  
"Yeah! Get it!" Lily agreed. Remus put the worm down and went to get the Blast Ended Skrewt. He looked at his hand.  
  
"Oh look! It crapped on me!" he exclaimed. James sighed.  
  
"I shouldn't have given in to Sirius," he said.  
  
Remus came back with the Blast-Ended Skrewts, tweezers, a probe, and scissors. He laid them down.  
  
"Let's just start the cutting!" Remus said excitedly.  
  
"Wait Remus," James said, "we need to write down the assignment too."  
  
Three seconds later...  
  
"Can we start cutting now?" Remus asked.  
  
"Not yet," Lily said, "now shut up!"  
  
Remus got bored and took the probe. He started to poke at the head of the beast. (A/N: I'm talking the one where the brains go, you perverts!)  
  
"Are you having fun, Remus?" Maru asked.  
  
"It gives me something to do," he answered. He poked at it a little more. Suddenly, he poked it too hard, and he stabbed it in the head!  
  
"Oh shit!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Remus, what'd you do?" James asked calmly. He knew the answer would probably make him want to strangle the werewolf.  
  
"I, accidentally, stabbed it in the head."  
  
"Might as well dissect it now," Lily said. She took the scissors and cut open the animal. Right when she did, the brain exploded, and went all over the students.  
  
"EW!" Maru and Cat shouted.  
  
Instead of dissecting the rest of the beast, like what everyone else was doing, the five of them were wiping Skrewt brains off their robes. Kettleburn strolled over to them and looked at the mess.  
  
"I don't even want to ask." Kettleburn said. "Ten points from Gryffindor for their...messy ways. Everyone clean up their mess, and after that the class is dismissed."  
  
James and Remus walked back to the castle. They had separate classes. James, surprisingly, held in his anger.  
  
"I am gonna kill Sirius," he thought.

Now wasn't that interesting? Tell me what you think! Come on! You know you want to! You can do it! Just press the button, and you can review! Please? I won't stop annoying you! Do it! Do it...


	3. James is pissed off

Disclaimer: Screw you bitch.  
  
Reaka: Hello my loyal fans! First off, I'm really sorry this took so long in uploading. I had writer's block right after the second chapter, and I wasn't sure what to do with it. I hope you understand? Second, thank you to all my reviewers! I'm so glad you liked it! It makes me feel so special inside!  
  
Lupin: Enough of your damn rambling and get on with the fricken story already!  
  
Reaka: Lupin! Shouldn't you be in the chapter and not here?  
  
Lupin: I'm not in the chapter.  
  
Reaka: So teleport yourself all the way to "Ruroni Kenshin Underwear Models" (my other story. Please read it even if you're not a Kenshin fan?) and count the votes for our next underwear dance!  
  
Lupin: Fine. (walks away)  
  
Reaka: Now that that's over with, let's get on with Chapter 3 of What the hell!  
  
James is Pissed Off.  
  
James found himself glad that Remus wasn't in his next class with him. That was probably the most disturbing Care of Magical Creatures class he had ever had. But any class would be disturbing with Lupin in it with the way he was acting now. Transfiguration was his next class.  
  
"Good," he thought. "Now I can pick a bone or two with Sirius. I'll make sure he pays for making me drink this potion."  
  
Sirius was lounging in his seat when James walked in. Sirius smiled and waved to his friend, and James gave him the bird.  
  
"Is there something wrong, James?"  
  
"Nothing really, except that Remus is very disturbing when he's hyper. Why did you let me drink your damn potion?"  
  
"Hey! You're the one that volunteered!"  
  
"So how long is this stuff going to last us?"  
  
"All day. Didn't I tell you this already?"  
  
"I must've forgot. I've been holding in my anger all day. I can't believe Remus is this calm on a regular basis."  
  
"Or that you're so hyper? Tell me what happened in Care for Magical Creatures."  
  
James told Sirius everything that happened at their last class. Sirius laughed so hard Professor MaGonagall's lesson was interrupted.  
  
"Mr. Black," she said, "do you care to share with the class what it is that James told you that's so funny?"  
  
"Not really," he answered her. "It might disturb you."  
  
"I see," she replied. "Mr. Potter, you seem surprisingly calm. It's as if you and Mr. Lupin switched bodies or something."  
  
"Close enough," James muttered to himself.  
  
"What was that?" the professor asked.  
  
"Nothing," he answered her. " I'm just talking to myself."  
  
MacGonagall shrugged and went back to her lesson. Sirius looked over to where Snape was sitting. Snape was looking at James curiously. Sirius stuck his tongue out and wiggled it at him. Snape looked away, disturbed.  
  
"So, Sirius, how do you think Wormtail's handling Mr. Hyper Moony?"  
  
"Prongs, I don't think he'll notice."  
  
Throughout the whole lesson, MacGonagall kept looking over to James and Sirius expecting James to be his usual hyper self. She didn't understand what was going on.  
  
"What the hell?" she thought to herself.  
  
Well, sorry, but that's it. I'm sorry it's so short, but I'm not very motivated at the moment. The next chapter, I promise will be funnier and longer. Please review! Please? Don't kill me because this chapter wasn't as funny! Please don't kill me! 


	4. Divination

Disclaimer: Screw off.  
  
Reaka: Sorry about the last chapter being crap, but you guys seemed not to mind. Here's the fourth chapter. Um...I don't know what to say about it. Except that Remus is still hyper. And...yeah. So let's get it on!  
  
Divination  
  
Peter didn't know what to say or do as he watched Remus bouncing up and down on his chair. He knew nothing of the potion that was drunk before their classes began, so poor Peter was scared shitless.  
  
"Remus, what happened to you?"  
  
"Didn't James or Sirius tell you? James and I drank some Personality Switching potion, so now I'm acting like James, and James is acting like me! Isn't that funny?!"  
  
He started cackling very loudly. The whole class went quiet and stared at the hyper werewolf. The teacher, Professor Hinspock (A/N: I don't know the name of the former teacher before Professor Trelawney. Pretend this is her and bear with me.) stopped what she was explaining and looked at him too.  
  
"Can I move Professor? Just for this class? Remus is scary!" Peter said.  
  
Hinspock walked up to where Peter and Remus were located and stepped in front of them.  
  
"Lupin, let me see you hand," she said. Remus presented his hand. Hinspock tried to get it, but Remus slipped it away fast. He did this three more times until Hinspock grabbed it.  
  
"Hm, I see," she muttered. Then she turned to the class.  
  
"This one will kill someone at the end of the day," she told them. Everyone else nodded in approval, for unlike her successor all her predictions came true.  
  
When Hinspock left the class doing her own thing, Remus and Peter used this time to talk.  
  
"Remus, what have we said about taking one of Sirius's potions?" Peter asked.  
  
"Not to do it? HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHA! I broke a rule! I broke a rule!"  
  
"Remus, you are a freak, you know that?"  
  
"Yes, I know. And I'm loving it! So much, I'm going to sing and dance!"  
  
Remus stood up. The class turned to look at him. He smiled once he realized that he had an audience and went to Hinspock's CD player.  
  
"Mr. Lupin, what the are you doing, and what the hell are you on?" Hinspock asked.  
  
"You should know! You're the psychic!" Lupin exclaimed. "AND WITH MY DANCING! I'LL MAKE THIS CLASS SCREAM!"  
  
"You even try to step to the beat, and I'll take five points off Gryffindor!" Hinspock threatened.  
  
"Try it! We'll win the House Cup in the end anyway! We always do! Now, I need Peter! Come here will you?"  
  
Peter slowly walked to the front of the class. He shook as he walked. There was silence in the whole room.  
  
"Stand over there and look pretty! Now, when I point at you, you must dance with me. Who can play piano?"  
  
"Mr. Lupin, that is enough!" Hinspock exclaimed.  
  
"STUPEFY! Now a piano player?"  
  
A blonde girl stood up and conjured up a piano. A red-haired boy went to Hinspock's desk and turned it into a drum set. Two twin girls said they'd be back up singers, and two twin boys did a guitar and bass.  
  
"All right, do you know what song we're playing?" Lupin asked. No one knew.  
  
"We're going to play Queen's 'Don't Stop Me Now'. I hope you all know that song?"  
  
Conveniently, all of the volunteer witches and wizards were Muggle-born. Remus got lucky. The piano started to play.  
  
"Tonight I'm going to have myself a real good time. I feel ali-I-I-ive! And the world, we'll turn it inside out yeah! I'm floating around in ecstacy! So"  
  
The girls picked up at their parts.  
  
"Don't stop me now! Don't stop me Cause I'm having a good time Having a good time!" The music kicked up.  
  
"I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity! I'm a racing car, passing by Like Lady Godiva! I'm gonna go go go there's not stopping me. I'm burning through the sky! Two hundred degrees That's why they call me Mister Farenheit! Travling at the speed of light I'm gonna make a super-sonic man out of you!"  
  
Peter was dancing like a maniac. He even started to do the worm. The class was clapping their hands and cheeing.  
  
"Don't stop me now! I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball. Don't stop me now If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call! Don't stop me now (Cause I'm having a good time!) Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time!) I don't wanna stop at all.  
  
I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars On a collision course I am a satalite, I'm out of control. I'm a sex machine ready to reload Like an atom bomb About to oh oh oh oh oh explode!  
  
I'm burning through the sky yeah! Two hundred degrees That's why they call me Mister Farenheit! Trav'lin at the speed of light I wanna make a supersonic woman of you!"  
  
The drum beats, and Peter break dances even more.  
  
"Don't stop me Don't stop me Don't stop me. (hey hey hey!) Don't stop me Don't stop me Don't stop me, ooh ooh ooh (I like it!) Don't stop me Don't stop me (Have a good time good time) Don't stop me Don't stop me ah! Oh yeah! All right!"  
  
The musical break kicked in. Remus joined Peter in his horrible break dancing. They started to do the can can, the worm, and all the other old dance moves.  
  
Suddenly, the door banged open, and Dumbledore stood there. The music was cut short, and Remus and Peter stopped mid-worm. Dumbledore looked at the scene around him.  
  
"Fucking stoners," he said. He then turned and walked back to his office.  
  
How was that? Very interesting, or was it a flop? Review and let me know!  
  
Oh yeah! I also want suggestions for James! I have no inspiration when it comes to him because he's so calm now! I need help! Review please! 


	5. Charms

Disclaimer: If I only had my way...  
  
Reaka: After a long wait, you'll finally have Chapter 5 of What the Hell! Doesn't that make you feel special? No? Oh well. Thank you reviewers! I now know what to do with James! Why does Remus have to be a bookworm when he's in character? Oh well. So...yeah. Let's get this chapter going! I bet you're tired of reading my long author notes, so I'm going to let you enjoy the story!  
  
Oh! And for those who don't know, check out my new story "The Weasley Twins meet the Marauders." Chapter 2 for that one will be coming soon!  
  
And for the unfortunate souls that have read "What's Worse Than a Harry and Dumbledore Romance," I really don't think anyone should ever be cursed into reading a Harry and Dumbledore slash. That's why I made the spoof. That, and I wanted to see how many people I wanted to gross out. It worked. Now I'll really get the story started!  
  
Charms  
  
James sat in the classroom before anyone else came in and waited for the bell. The other students were lollygagging until the last minute, and James suddenly didn't want to do that.  
  
"Stupid Personality Potion," he thought to himself. "Why did Sirius have to make me take it?"  
  
At that moment, Peter walked in the classroom. He bounced along to take a seat next to James humming a song that suspiciously sounded like Queen's " Don't Stop me Now."  
  
"What the hell's wrong with you, Wormtail?" James asked. "Your singing is giving me a headache."  
  
Peter told James all about the party Remus started in Divination. James listened to his friend in pure horror. His eyes became as big as almonds.  
  
"Does he not realize how many school rules he's breaking?" he exclaimed. " And he attacked at teacher! He'll be so lucky if he doesn't get suspended!"  
  
"Prongs, you've broken more rules than he has!" Peter exclaimed. "What's with the sudden regard for the rules? Wait! I remember, Sirius's potion."  
  
"Exactly! And when the day's over, I'm going to hex him good."  
  
Professor Flitwick came in the room at that time. He stood on his big, pile of books and smiled fondly at the class.  
  
"Good day class," he said, "today, we're going to learn how to use an Animal Charm. This charm is used to make the person you're using this on act like an animal for one hour. After that, they will not remember what had happened to them. Now to do it, you must wave your wand to make a Concave Hexagon. (A/N: Had to add that. Long term result of being in Geometry. Isn't that right, Reese Craven?) Then you must say Anamalia."  
  
The class did that, and James was the first one to get it done down pat. Flitwick looked at him strangely.  
  
"Mr. Potter!" he exclaimed. "You suddenly caught the hang of this charm fast! Now, you must use it on Mr. Pettigrew and see if it works."  
  
Peter came down to the center of the class where everyone was watching him.  
  
"Pettigrew's gonna be an animal!" Lusious Malfoy yelled out. The class laughed.  
  
"Oh shut up!" Lily Evans said, "Leave him alone Malfoy. Professor Flitwick, may I use Malfoy as a target for my charm?"  
  
Flitwick nodded. Peter stood there, sweating.  
  
"Perform your charm, Mr. Potter," said the professor.  
  
James aimed and made a Concave Hexagon. (A/N: Damn you Geometry!)  
  
"Anamalia!"  
  
Peter's nose started to twitch, and he started acting like a rat. The class laughed at him.  
  
"Ten points to Gryffindor for such a splendid charm!" Flitwick exclaimed. "Now, Ms. Evans, you can perform it on Lusious Malfoy."  
  
"I'll get you, you filthy Mudblood." Lusious cursed.  
  
Lily smiled.  
  
"All the more to make you an animal," Lily said as she waved her wand. " Anamalia!"  
  
Lusious started crawling around the floor. He rubbed up against Flitwick and started to meow. The class stared with nothing to say.  
  
Suddenly, Kitty Lusious caught sight of Rat Peter. Lusious started to hiss then come closer. Rat Peter started to back up slowly. Suddenly, Lusious pounced on Peter! Peter broke free and started scurrying around the room.  
  
"Okay Big Guy!" James exclaimed, holding Lusious back. "That's enough. You leave little Peter Pettigrew alone!"  
  
Lusious looked up at James and started to lick his face. James kept his head back to keep from touching Lucious's tongue. He really didn't want to know where it had been.  
  
Lily came to his rescue by making a leash for Lusious and putting it around his neck. She then tied it to his chair. Lusious sat there, confused. Peter hid at the corner.  
  
Half an hour later, the bell rang. Peter got out of the spell, confused at what he was doing hiding at a corner. Lusious was wondering why he was tied up to a chair. Peter got up and ran to the class, and Lusious was still stuck in the class, screaming to get out.  
  
James and Lily were walking along the halls going to the next class.  
  
"So does this make our relationship a little better?" he asked.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes and walked away.  
  
All right! I'm done with that one! How was that? Was it a good one? Tell me! Tell me! Let me know!  
  
I also have a feeling that I'm spelling Lusious wrong. If I am, will you give me the right spelling please? Thank you! Please review! 


	6. Potions And a tribute to a long lost cla...

Disclaimer: I will kill you.  
  
Reaka: All right. I'm back after a long term of writer's block! My job doesn't help much for new ideas either. Anyways, I'm almost running out of classes. This is the third to last chapter too. All good things must come to an end at one time. But all will be good! Thank you my reviewers for pointing out my spelling mistake. And thank you for reviewing! Now on with the next chapter!  
  
Potions  
  
Remus skipped down the hall in a cheerful way. The kids and professors stared at the very hyper kid. It was a mystery to whether or not the kid was stoned. It made them wonder.  
  
Sirius was waiting for him when he walked into the dungeons for Potions. Remus waved him a wave and sat down right next to him.  
  
"I can really tell the potion's taken an effect on you," Sirius said. " From what I heard from Peter and James anyway."  
  
"Oh yeah! I don't think I'll stop for a while!"  
  
Remus started to cackle. The students in the room looked warily at Remus. Sirius couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"You've definitely got the class thinking you're stoned! This is awesome!"  
  
The bell rang, and the teacher, Professor Hoobastank (A/N: What? It's a lack of a better name okay! Hoobastank rocks!) walked in his classroom.  
  
"Good day class," Hoobastank said, "have you all finished your homework on Personality Potions?"  
  
"I knew there was something I forgot to do!" Remus laughed. "So what now?"  
  
"Ten points from Gryffindor." Hoobastank said. "Why can't you be more like Severus and remember your potions homework?"  
  
"Because I'm not a greasy git," Sirius whispered to Remus. "Who'd want Snivellus as their role model anyway?"  
  
"Not me," Remus whispered back.  
  
They watched as Severus leaned back in his chair and smirked at them as Hoobastank continued to praise him.  
  
"We'll get him while everyone's making their potion," Remus said.  
  
"Good idea," Sirius agreed.  
  
After listening to Hoobastank's grueling lecture about "The Reason" the potion gets so "Out of Control" (A/N: Do the Hoobastank fans get the joke there?) is because an extra ingredient is always forgotten. And to counter it the drinkers must drink water.  
  
The lecture ended, and the students started making the potion.  
  
"Ready Moony?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Oh yeah!" Remus answered. "This'll be fun."  
  
Remus and Sirius casually walked up to where Severus was sitting. Severus looked up. He raised an eyebrow and went back to his potion.  
  
"So Snivellus," Sirius said, "aren't we a little too focused on what we're doing here?"  
  
"Aren't we a little bothersome?" Severus asked. "Or are you coming to admit your undying love for me? Sorry Sirius. I like girls, females. If you know what those are."  
  
"Watch yourself Snape," Sirius threatened.  
  
While all this was going on, Remus took this time to replace some of the ingredients. Severus put the replaced ones in without even looking at them. Sirius was annoying the hell out of him.  
  
"Time's up," Hoobastank announced. "Now you must collect an article of something from a person whose personality you're switching around and put it in your potion."  
  
Severus snatched a hair from Sirius right away.  
  
"Now drink your potion!" Hoobastank said.  
  
Remus and Sirius watched in anticipation as Severus took a sip. Suddenly, his eyes became cloudy, and he stepped up to the class.  
  
"Accio boom box," Remus said. A boom box came to him, and he placed in a cassette tape. The music started to play. The song was "Build me up Buttercup" from the movie "There's Something About Mary"!  
  
Severus started to bob his head. Thin he started singing!  
  
"Why do you build me up! (Build me up!)" (A/N: Sirius and Remus are being background voices.) "Buttercup baby just to let me down (Let me down) And mess me around and then worst of all! (Worst of all!) You never call baby when you say you will (Say you will) But I love you still! I need you! More than anyone darling! You know that I have from the start! So build me up (Build me up) Buttercup Don't break my heart!"  
  
The class looked at Severus very funny.  
  
"Someone needs to get laid!" Remus shouted. This sent the class into fits of laughter. No one could stop, and Snape continued singing!  
  
"I'll be over at ten you tell me time and again, but you're late! I wait around again! (Ba da da!) Do do do do do I can't take anymore it's not you! Why do I need you so? ( Hey hey hey) Baby baby! Try to find! (Hey hey hey) A little time! And I'll make you happy! I'll be home! I'll be beside the phone Waiting for you! Ooooh! Ooooh!  
  
Why do you build me up! (Build me up) Buttercup baby just to let me down (Let me down) And mess me around and then worst of all! (Worst of all) You never call baby when you say you will (Say you will) But I love you still! I need you! (I need you) More than anyone darling! You know that I have from the start! So build me up (Build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart."  
  
(A/N: There was more to it, but I forgot the words. Yes, Reese, it is possible for me to forget words to a song. I wish I knew them all. So I'll get to the end of the song.)  
  
"I-I-I-I-I need you more than anyone darling! You know that I have from the start! So build me up! (Build me up!) Buttercup, don't break my Build me up (Build me up) Buttercup, don't break my Build me up (Build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart!"  
  
The music ended, and the class stared at an obviously drugged up Severus as he stood in front of the class doing the Jazz Hands.  
  
"When was the last time you got some ass?" Hoobastank asked.  
  
Reaka: Well, that's about it for this chapter. I dedicate this chapter in memory of choir. Because the school is stupid and Nazi-ish, they think cutting choir from our program is saving them money or something stupid like that. It made me sad, so I dedicate this to choir. LONG LIVE CHOIR! The next chapter will be coming soon. 


	7. Defense Against the Dark Arts

Disclaimer: Whoever doesn't know that I don't own the characters in this story in any way, should be hunted down and gutted like a fish...right now.

Reaka: Okay then! After a while a waiting, I've finally got a muse! So I'm going to give it to you! This is the second to last chapter of "What the hell" (sniff sniff) so...yeah. Here you go!

Defense Against the Dark Arts

"Where the hell is Remus?" Sirius asked as he, James, and Peter sat in class. "It's not like him to be late."

"Well, don't forget you were the one that made our potion." James reminded him.

"Oh yeah! I did, didn't I?" Sirius joked. "I completely forgot!"

"How could you not forget after that little stunt you and Remus pulled on Snivellus last class?" James asked. "Honestly, I don't even know how many rules you broke with it!"

"And you're one to talk?" Peter asked. "If it wasn't for that personality potion, you'd be going right along with it."

"That's what pisses me off the most," James agreed.

The bell rang, and Remus still wasn't in class. The teacher, Professor Speed took attendance.

"Mr. Lupin is missing?" he asked. "This isn't like him. We're usually waiting for Mr. Potter before class starts."

Right on cue, Remus walked into class. The students stared at him wondering what was going on.

"Ah! Mr. Lupin!" Speed said. "So you've decided to come to class! Now why are you late?"

"I paid tribute to the porcelain god," Lupin answered. No one, except his three friends, knew what he was talking about.

"What?" Speed asked.

"I was making water!" Lupin said, "Answering nature's call! Damn it! I was peeing! You get it now?"

The class nodded.

"Good," Lupin stated. "I ran out of euphemisms anyway."

As if nothing happened, Remus strolled over to his seat and sat down. Right away Speed started teaching the class. Even with James's personality in him, Remus paid attention. It was his favorite class.

"The potion must be wearing off," Sirius said. "A little bit of you is coming back."

"I just like this class!" Remus replied.

It was time for everyone to do their homework. Taking his opportunity, Severus Snape strolled over to the desk where the Marauders were sitting and doing their homework.

"I'll get you for what you did to me," he threatened. "Just you wait. I'll get you back."

"Sorry Snivellus, you can't rape any of us," Sirius replied. "We're all taken and straight. Well, except maybe Pettigrew, but he doesn't like the greasy gits."

"Sorry," Peter said. "You're not my type."

"Sorry Buttercup," Remus said. "Looks as though we built you up again!"

The four teenagers cackled as Severus went back to his seat. Severus looked back at them and flipped them off. Lucky for him, Speed had just turned away from him when he did it.

"I'll get them," he said under his breath. "I'll show them what happens when they make me make an idiot of myself in front of a class. I'll get them all."

While Severus was planning his revenge plan, the four Marauders were thinking of their next prank to do.

"Well, it's settled then," James said. "We're going to do that?"

"Why not?" Sirius asked. "I like it."

"Are you sure it's safe, and it won't hurt anybody?" James asked. "I don't want anybody to get hurt."

"It'll be safe," Peter reassured him. "Trust us James. We'll be safe."

"Safe or not, let's get this prank going!" Remus exclaimed. "I want to see the looks on everyone's faces when we do it!"

"That's the way Remus!" Sirius said. "A man right after my own heart. I love it."

"Don't you though?" Remus said.

"So let's hurry and get our homework done so that we can actually do this stupid prank," James said.

As fast as they could, the Marauders did their homework. Severus started making his revenge plan.

Finally, the bell rang, and the class left the Defense Against the Dark Arts class and went to the Gryffindor Common Room to plan the next prank.

Reaka: What is that prank? You want to know don't you? Do you really want to know? Well, you know what? I'm not telling you! You have to wait forever until I actually write the chapter! Doesn't that suck? For you, it does! Anyway, it'll be the last chapter! So...yeah. See you later!


	8. Back to the Usual

Disclaimer: Grr.

Reaka: Hello everyone! Sadly, this is the last chapter of "What the hell?" It's sad, I know! It was fun watching James and Remus squirm! Oh well, all good things must come to an end one way or another. (I'm gonna find ya! I'm gonna gitcha gitcha gitcha gitcha...Oops! I'm supposed to give commentary! Sorry.) So, without further ado, and before I start crying cause I can't torture them, here's the final chapter. Cheers!

Back to the Usual

"So this is what we're going to do?" James asked as he, Remus, Sirius, and Peter sat around the Common Room discussing their latest prank.

"Yeah!" Sirius said. "It'll be fun!"

"We aren't hurting anybody, are we?" James asked.

"Course not," Peter assured him. "How can we?"

"Oh. Right," James replied.

"Well, I'm all for it." Remus stated. "When can we do it? I wanna do it now! Come on! Let's go! Let's go!"

"Hold on a minute, Sparky," Sirius said. "Wait until everyone's in the Great Hall for dinner. That way, we'll have an audience."

"So while we're waiting," Peter said, "let's get ready!"

The four of them disappeared into their dormitories.

A cheery dinner was set before the students at the Great Hall. (A/N: Just picture your favorite food here. I'm too lazy to describe it.) Lily and Maru ate and chattered amongst themselves. Kat came in and sat down with them.

"Any of you guys seen the boys?" Kat asked. "I couldn't find them to tell them time for dinner."

"Now that you mention it," Maru said, "they have been missing since Defense Against the Dark Arts. I wonder where they're at?"

"Probably pulling another prank on poor Snape again," Lily said.

"Why are you always standing up for that greasy git?" Maru asked. "Do you have a crush on him or something?"

"No!" Lily said. " It's just that I don't like how cruel James and the others treat him. It's enough to make anyone sick."

"Sure it is," Kat said.

Suddenly, the doors crashed open, and four pirates stepped into the Great hall. The students stared at their new guests.

"What the hell are they doing now?" Lily asked.

She recognized them as the four missing guys from dinner. James and Peter stood to one side of the room. James wore a loose, white shirt and held a butterbeer bottle in his hand. His shirt was open, exposing part of his chest. Lily could help but stare at it.

Peter wore a loose, black shirt and denim jeans. Thankfully, his shirt was not open. A bandanna was around his head.

Remus wore just a regular T-shirt and jeans, but he also had a cape, and a little, pink hat with a feather.

Sirius was wearing a dress, and there was a duck taped to his shoulder. Remus had an arm around Sirius's waist and a plastic sword at his throat.

"Ye bloody pirates!" Remus roared. "Ye want to see your fair beauty again, then you've gotta fight me for her."

"Then you have your fight, Mr. Moony!" Peter declared. With a mighty roar, Peter drew his plastic sword and charged at Remus. With a quick movement, Remus pushed Sirius behind him and broke his plastic sword.

"Too rash, Mr. Wormtail," Remus said. "This is why you don't send a boy to do a man's job. Mr. Prongs! Draw your sword!"

James looked at Remus like he was drunk then drew his butterbeer bottle.

"Your sword! You idiot!" Remus yelled. "But I want some of that after this is over!"

"Don't worry, Ms. Padfoot!" James called. "I'll save you!"

Sirius took that opportunity to scream like a girl.

"Then come at me!" Remus said. "I'm waiting. Better yet! I'll come to ye."

Remus charged at James, and James blocked his swing. The two of them fought all around the whole Great Hall. Even the Slytherins were getting into the entertainment.

While the show was going on, Severus Snape sat at the Slytherin table glaring at the four guys putting on the show.

"Idiots," he thought. "But now I have a way to get revenge on you. This will all be so marvelous."

As the show went on, Peter had retrieved Sirius once James had gotten Remus away from them. The two of them, together, ran out of the Great Hall.

"You stole Ms. Padfoot from me!" Remus yelled as he watched Peter go. "Now you will feel my wrath!"

But at that moment, James had run Remus through with his plastic sword. Remus stared at it for a while then fell to his side. He was dead.

"Well, I'd better get his body out of here." James said. "Who wants to stare at a corpse while they're trying to eat? I certainly don't! Drinks all around!"

With that said, James grabbed Remus's legs and dragged him out of the Great Hall. The students cheered once the doors were closed.

When everyone settled down, Dumbledore stood up.

"I hope we have all learned a lesson in this," Dumbledore said. "Drugs are bad."

Later, when the original Marauders came down, Remus found a note attached to his plate. Raising an eyebrow, he picked it up and read it.

_Come to the lake, alone._

Remus ate his food and set off towards the lake outside the castle. While on the way, he felt a shudder pass through him, but it wasn't cold.

"Why am I at the lake?" he asked himself.

Right when he stepped to the shore of the lake, a net closed around him and he was flung into a tree. He hung from a branch that hung over the water. Severus emerged from the shadows and laughed at him.

"It isn't so funny when you're the one being picked on, is it?" he asked.

"What?" Remus asked. "I haven't picked on you all day? What are you talking about?"

"You remember," Severus purred. "How you and Sirius humiliated me by switching the ingredients around in Potions! How you made me sing that song!"

"I did that?" Remus asked.

"Let him go, Snivellus," James said from behind the two of them. "Or we'll toss you in that lake!"

Severus turned around. James, Sirius, and Peter faced him with their wands pointed. He smiled.

"Too late Marauders," he said. "Rope cut!" (I don't remember the cutting spell's name)

Peter pointed his wand at Remus.

"Accio Remus Lupin!" Peter bellowed.

Sirius and James aimed at Severus.

"Expelliarmus!" Sirius said.

"Stupefy!" James yelled.

Severus fell, and his wand fell right next to him.

Remus cut himself free and went to his friends after he was safely on shore.

"Sirius," Remus said, "why can't I remember a thing that happened today?"

"I'd like to know the same question," James agreed. "What happened?"

"Well," Sirius began, "I must've forgot to put an ingredient in the potion. You should've remembered what happened. Too bad though. Lily looked like she might've been ready to ask you out, James."'

"What was that?" James asked threateningly.

"Wanna kill him?" Remus asked.

"Yeah." James answered.

"But Remus!" Sirius protested. "I saved your life! Now you want to kill me?"

But his protests fell to deaf ears. At that moment, Remus and James started to chase a screaming Sirius Black back to the castle.

Peter just stood staring at the three of them in silence. He raised an eyebrow once Sirius started screaming.

"Well," he said to himself. "It was their fault for taking the potion in the first place. I'm just glad it wasn't me."

He then started to walk up to the castle forgetting about the unconscious Slytherin lying at the shore of the lake.

Reaka: Well, that's it. The pirate prank that the Marauders did was actually based on a true story. At Reese Craven's birthday party, the four of us dressed up as pirates. I had a cape, a little blue hat with a feather and a duck that was duck-taped to my shoulder. Reese Craven's character was Captain Jack Sparrow. Unlike the prank in the Great Hall, we ran around Reese's block and sword fought in the middle of the road. The dialogue was my own special touch. We didn't really say all that crap.

Now that that's out of my system, I'd like to thank the kind reviewers that read this story! And they are...

Reese Craven

Fool Moon

Dark and prone to violence

clarie

Silverstar24

Luthien

Kaydon

Versipellis

pIPPINpIRATE

Monkee-Frodo (a.k.a. Too Lazy To Sign In)

Dumbledore's Emerald Phoenix

Marker the Baka

dancing in darkness

someonelse

loonygrl90

Singin-newsies-goil

The BritBrit

Tanya J Potter

kaibygirl

Thank you all! And to those of you who have yet to review me, I thank you kindly for those too! See you around!


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